Before I became a dog trainer, I was a pediatric occupational therapist for 17 years. My cases consisted of children challenged by learning disabilities, sensory processing deficits and trauma. I will never forget one particular family of a 5-year-old little boy with severe anger and behavioral issues that kept getting him kicked out of school. He was being raised by his grandmother. His mother was a drug addict and for years she lived with this little boy in her car on the streets of New Mexico. As the grandmother told me of the tragic life of her daughter I sat and listened. When she was finished, I told her I was so terribly sorry that her daughter had such a troubled life. She broke out in tears. Then she said to me “You are the first person that has ever thought about the painful life my daughter lives”. That moment confirmed for me something that I am passionate about both professionally and personally - never underestimate the value and necessity of being an active listener. Our clients need to be heard.
The first time we meet our clients might be the most important “training” session we have. Whether it’s a 16-week-old puppy that’s jumping on people or a dog with a very serious history of aggression that is biting people. It’s an opportunity to connect, to build trust and to show this person/client that we hear them. But what sometimes can happen is we skip over the details in that “first” meeting because we know we “have to get to training”. Then midway through our 2nd and 3rd session we all of a sudden learn about “other things” the client is facing in their life and how this can have a dramatic impact on how we establish our behavior plan for the dog that has been potentially biting people for years. This information gives us a better prospective on the emotional band width our client has available to help this dog become its best possible canine self.
Our industry wisely cautions us to “stay within our scope of practice”, don’t ask questions that might upset the client or that might “appear” to be none of our business or not related to dog training. But what if….
Susie lives with Joey, and “every time Joey comes home from work and is tired, he yells at the dog and puts the dog in the garage”. Hmmmmm. Did I hear something about the dog being afraid of the garage door or going through the garage to get to the back yard in the morning to bathroom, and oh yeah….. the dog is bath rooming in the house …by the door… that leads to the garage. Oh…I want to hear about more about Joey. Now how do I do that!
There is validity to the caution expressed about remaining within our scope of practice, but boy do I like to tetter on the edge of that. I want to know everything. I want to learn everything I can, I want to explore and discover ever piece of information that will make this “dog” successful in its training plan, while having this owner feel safe and secure in their relationship with me. And I want to do all this while maintaining a healthy and safe boundary for all of us. Tricky stuff…. How the hell do I do that ?
Active listening. Open ended questions. Eye contact. Head nod. Repeating what the client has told us. Acknowledging. Validating. Showing compassion, empathy, and sympathy. These are skills I have acquired over the years in my personal and professional lives. Now how do I learn about that boyfriend, the garage and how to weave into and out of this conversation??? Because it’s important.
I think that I am a very competent and studied dog trainer. Do I always “click/treat” at the right time? Nope! Are my dogs trained and titled in several competitive sports? Nope! Do I fix every problem with all dogs in my practice? Nope. But I can say with the utmost conviction and confidence that my client centered relationships are the most effective and necessary skill I bring to the table. I am a dam good listener, my clients trust me with their secrets because I have earned that trust.
Dog training and behavior does not just happen in the four quadrants of operant and classical conditioning. It’s a little bit more involved and sometimes a bit messy. I have learned a lot over the years in my OT practice as well as in my dog training business and my skill and ability to communicate with people is something I will never take for granted.
